Dear Ireland,

I'm going to be honest, these past couple of weeks I have noticed my  silence and I shall tell you that it's mostly because things have been hectic and a little heavy, that and my thoughts haven't been coherent and I have had no desire to do anything at all.
The archery season is in full swing now, which basically means that most weekends are jammed shut with travelling, packing, shooting, more travelling and then crashing out when it's all over and done with.
As knackering as the said task is, I couldn't feel more alive while doing so and despite spending half the time wishing I was in bed, there wouldn't be another place where I would love to be.

However last weekend an event took place which shocked me to the core despite knowing and truthfully, I had never been so thankful for the archers around me.
A dear and wonderful friend who I have known since I was 8 years old, passed away from cancer.
I had known for a number of months that the chances of his survival were incredibly slim but it didn't stop me from having hope and constantly pestering my mother to see if he was doing ok.
Myself and a great number of friends were all sat in a tiny little quaint pub, nattering away when we suddenly received a text announcing his death and just like that, our moment of happiness and simplicity was yanked violently away.
I had never experienced such a quick yet powerful moment like that; it was as if a dementor had wandered into the room, inhaled every single breath and left without us even batting an eyelid.

As soon as the moment arrived, every individual knew that we shouldn't have been silent, nor should we have been miserable but it  was so difficult and for some us at that moment, none of us dared to be anything else.
I have learnt that there are very few people in life whom you will know that hold such a beautiful reputation, it will blow you away; but after this moment, I had never seen so much love be thrown into the air, towards him.
People exploded with kindness, sadness, greatness and infinite love and let me inform you that it was the most beautiful feeling I had ever seen and felt.
No moment nor scene could rid me of that moment and I will happily store that time in my mind, where no one but myself and the people that were there could know about it.

There is a quote, whom many know and many who don't and it goes like this: One might be alive, but it does not indicate that they are living, and that there described me perfectly the following day.

My body had turned to automatic and the emptiness which only lingered in my chest, suddenly exploded and wandered around every inch of my body. 
It was so wrong, so very wrong.

I had learnt at a very young age that life wasn't fair and it never would be and I have learnt that with cancer, their are no winners, or losers, just warriors.
Yet whilst we are warriors, we spend our time wandering why those who deserve it run free, whilst those who don't, spend their time trying to not put a noose around their neck.
There isn't an answer to why some live longer then others and there isn't an answer to why some have it more difficult then others...there isn't an answer and there will never be one no matter how hard people look for it.
But the thing is we shouldn't really care about that because that thought in itself should encourage us to be more free, to be more thankful, to more adventurous and spontaneous. 
Yet it doesn't because we as humans whom love so greatly, don't think about the end and nor should we have to, however it is the end that makes us realise.
It makes us love things to death, it makes us hold that little tighter, smile that little wider, be so much braver and that is why not only being born is beautiful, but so is dying.
And even with that death, you still managed to do something magnificent.

R x