I wouldn't say the subject was very confusing, but I do know for some, it could be a little misunderstanding; After the period in my life where I came out of hospital, I was faced with multiple challenges which I hadn't had to deal with before.
I would like to begin informing you of how I was as a child; for every individual, three types of learning are placed in front of them: Visual, Auditory and kinesthetic and at that age, I would say I was mostly a visual learner.
(Although I should I say, most adults/children may use all three at a time, however we all turn to one specifically.)
I thought mostly in words; if I needed a specific word, I would think of the letters, if I needed an action, I would think to also look at the letters. (I'm also guessing now that you maybe considering how do I learn? But depending on your age, it is most likely engrained in to your routine, therefore there isn't any thought behind it!)
Upon coming out of the hospital, my subconscious fell back to its usual routine: words, although sadly, I found myself at a large stop sign.
I could no longer read so well and my brain could no longer process words.
I was very misunderstood and I couldn't quite work out why my hand could no longer write the words the way I wished it too, nor could I read the words the way I usually did.
My brain would take the first and second letter, to then struggle on the third and by the ending of the word, I had entirely forgotten it and I was beginning to feel physically ill.
It didn't matter how many times I read the word/paragraph; I could be sat there for half an hour, still reading the paragraph over and over, to find that I don't see the words any more, it's just a black jumble.
I was incredibly frustrated especially considering my love for books.
At the time this happened, I was studying mostly traditional subjects; every thing I saw was words, paragraphs and essays, so to be able to only write a paragraph in an hour (the worst factor being I had no idea if it even made sense), was very painful to endure.
However what I was suffering, was not a disability; my brain was just physically damaged, my reactions were not broken yet they were not fixed and the messages that were being sent around my body were faulty.
Again this isn't a disability, this is a just a side effect or so I thought.
I spent an entire month, packing in pounds of information that I needed to know for my exams, but I was battling another problem: none of the information stayed, and I began to strain my self so much, I would start to shake and I would want to vomit, which eventually caused my entire body to shut down.
I couldn't read? Dyslexia.
I couldn't remember? Memory loss.
My entire brain process had evolved and I had to accustom to it.
After my departure from the hospital I had realised that my brain had practically rebooted itself; the term which I mostly refer to is 'I was a baby in a 17 year olds body' because the statement couldn't be more correct.
I couldn't walk by myself, I couldn't speak, I couldn't brush my hair, I couldn't wash my body. I found myself to be very independent and it had all been wiped away.
Noted the first month, I spent tight asleep because I couldn't do anything more, yet straight after I began on small journey to teaching myself everything again: walk, talk, read, write, shoot, make a cuppa, cook tea.
I was no longer a visual learner; I am now a visual, an auditory and a kinaesthetic learner and I use all of them very heavily.
My initial reaction was that this was just a learning curve, it was something I had to deal with then, but what I now know is that I have to deal with it for the rest of my life.
If I'm particularly strained or perhaps over load myself by mistake, I return back to the place I was when I came out of hospital: slow movements, not being able to read, nor write, make things correctly.
I fall into a dreadful daze where I cannot do anything but wait a week or two until this passes. But again, this is not a disability, it is just a set back.
I fall to the development of technology when it comes to trying to keep myself sane; reading is one of my main pass times but even with the kindle (which is now my alternative from books) I do not read, so now I have fallen to the use of audio books.
The fact my brain can even find alternatives is immaculate in itself considering not so long ago, I wasn't capable of this.
I will be a 21 year old with a damaged brain.
I will be a 32 year old with a damaged brain.
I will be a 45 year old with a damaged brain.
I have no other aim then to make people aware of this and that although we have so much technology and we have so much development within our hands, I feel it is my job to say that although we evolve so do our problems.
A while back my mother was asked by a friend, a colleague, at work whom questioned her about me, about my health because her friends daughter had suffered meningitis.
'Is she ok? Does she get better?'
She didn't go to the internet to find out more...What does that mean? And what does that say?
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