Mental exertion.

16th February.

The day and time had arrived where I had to slug my body into a building, where a doctor mentally poked and prodded me, but despite my need to make that sound rather interesting, the procedure wasn't done with an ounce of negativity. 

I'm not entirely sure what has made my thoughts form positivity about this new assessment, but I'm taking it in my stride. 

What makes this mental assessor so different from the others is that whilst questioning me, she shows admiration, patience, sympathy as well as support, which for me is almost breath taking considering I have had numerous amounts of nurses look at me as if I'm an alien with four heads.

It had come upon me, that during this session, I was mentally exhausting myself to the point where my brain could no longer think coherently,(just so that my mind would keep my low moods at bay.)

I had always known that to keep myself away from the darkness, I should do endless activities throughout the day, however I have failed to realise that I was pushing myself beyond what I should, which now even sleep can't fix.

If I wasn't writing posts for my blog, I would be writing my story, If I wasn't writing my story, I would be writing down recipes and if I wasn't doing that, then chances are I would be reading a book. 

The brain is a wonderful thing and to no degree, it can handle copious amounts of work, but when you're doing the same thing throughout the week, you will notice that deterioration begins to occur and lately, I've been writing at such a speed, that despite my recovery, I was still struggling to either speak or do normal day to day activities.

'Are you sure this isn't just a coping method? I'm certain that your love for writing is blossoming wonderfully, but how can I be sure, you aren't only using this for a way to exhale yourself mentally but you're also transforming this method and manipulating it, to occur as a mental block.'

I had never seen the action in that light and honestly, it began to make me think; I write on a daily basis and it is my love in many ways, but now I see that sometimes, the things we love the most certainly do come with consequences. (In what ever form it may come in.)

However I don't really want to see it as something which will cause a negative impact, in fact I see it as another opportunity where I can pile in other activities which are not mental, but physical.