The mind runs.

A little at loss with a great number of things,

Hesitant about the future and what it may bring.

I was told I was strong, but god, didn't I pity that word?,

'You're weak for caving in', it's what I always heard.

A battle is a battle, and people are determined I should win,

But in my mind, I'm waiting for that personal war to begin.

Nobody can understand, despite shedding what they might know,

These life experiences?, They'll only make you grow.

But my bones will mostly shrink as I only know routine,

And I sit and think in sorrow, about how it could have been.

'Why don't you free yourself, there is so much that you can do?'

But how unaware were they of what pain did to you.

My memory and mind only knew so many things,

But you cannot escape the chaos with broken and shattered wings.

No they were not gone and they had never disappeared,

But they were treated as they were invisible and it's what I had always feared.

I'm by far not the strongest person around and yes I can do so much,

But how silent do I need to be, for you to finally get in touch?

I need assistance, but doesn't everybody around?

I'm sick of my constant helping, even when I'm on the ground,

But nobody helps me, is that entirely fair?

Suddenly when I fall, nobody seems to care.

I give and give, but never do I receive,

Or maybe I'm just over thinking and have turned naive.

Why should you help me? I honestly do not deserve,

The care and love, how did I have the nerve?

I'm sorry for thinking of what you might do,

High expectations shouldn't have ever been applied to you.

You never were good enough, but maybe that is me being sour,

Possibly because I'm being pathetic and maybe I should cower.

I'm honestly not ever worthy of what you give,

And on your own terms, I hope you can forgive.

I wade in hatred, of course it is my own,

It's pouring out my heart, oh how I wish it could be sewn.

So whilst I sit here in wonder and think about how I may get out,

Don't fill yourself with hope, always keep in the doubt.

 I won't ever win or maybe I won't even try,

Because deep inside of me, I've secretly always want to die.